so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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