I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
