Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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