I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
