community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
