THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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