he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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