I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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