Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
