Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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