She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
