Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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