We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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