Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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