sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
