summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
