Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
