Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
