Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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