we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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