Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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