after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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