You're so nebulous sometimes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
