If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
