i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
