It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cannot find my penis.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
