Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
not ubering you a puppy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
