i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
