There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
