yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
