do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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