good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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