Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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