the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
