I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
