I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm really busy with my period
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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