apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
