marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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