I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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