I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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