I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
