It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
