guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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