I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
