so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
someone owes me an orgasm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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