if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
