woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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