He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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