Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
