Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
