You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
