Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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