She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
