He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
